Tuesday, 24 April 2012

Confessions of a scary (and scared) mummy...

I do not know where to begin...

I'm sitting here with my eye twitching, my blood pumping and my throat raw...

I did what I could never imagine doing, I loathe woman who do this, why do I need to reach breaking point...

I screamed...yes...screamed...not shouted...not disciplined...screamed, till my throat went raw, as if a dagger had pierced right through to my the pure frustration I endured this morning.

Littley wants a dummy, I don't want to give it to her, she is also nearing 2 years old.  So of course she is going through the most horrendous temper tantrums, and up until this morning I could endure them to a point...BUT...this morning another side of me came out, which scared me...didn't do anything for her, she just continued to temper tantrum herself. 

All she wants is the dummy, which she has become so reliant on, she can just about do nothing without it...I on the other hand need to get her to forget about her only comfort and joy (so she thinks). 

So after our ordeal she was still thrashing in my arms, of course, here I am face of thunder walking past all the mums and dads at Littley's creche, getting tuts here and there and "oh shame or bless" for poor Littley that is being carried like a foot ball across the courtyard(its the best grip for a thrashing child), only to hand her to her creche teacher and wish her all the best of luck. 

I have a rule in my house that no one goes to sleep or leaves angry, so I take a deep breathe, look away and give Littley a big kiss on her sodden cheek, all the while still thrashing.  I wave good bye with a big smile and say I love her and will pick her up later.  My usually happy to go to creche child looks like its her first ever day away from Mummy.  I run back to the car, take a big deep breathe and try and analyse as to why or how that happened, I'm feeling like I did in my early days of being a mum.  Am I the only one who lost it? I feel like I am, will this happen again?  What do I need to do to make this scary Mummy dissappear?  What am I going to do if this is how she is going to be the rest of her life?  I'm a discipliner but this I can't discipline.  How am I going to reason with an out of control temper tantrum addict?

I am scarying myself because I'm becoming scary!

What is the solution, books don't tell you about when you've hit rock bottom.  When Littley is in the midst of a temper tantrum attack, addressing her emotions and calmly giving her an alternative DOES NOT WORK!!!!

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