On your marks, get set...now hang on a bit!

I'm so gung ho on getting this new phase of my career under way, that I got myself all set up with the right tools, the right learning resources, the right attitude.

I got my calendar out and sat 4 hours putting together a curriculum for myself to get going...nothing in my way, I'm so doing this...

Ahhh heck man! What the...can you believe, with all this focus, determination and hope I smack right into a wall on my first day of my transition.  I knew it would come, but thought it would be a while.  Knowing my old self I would usually give up, but I'm a bit knee deep in costings of my tools and resources so I need to keep going. 

So I'm going to use the advice I gave a young lady the other day that I really feel I need to take note of for myself.  "Don't worry about what you have no control over, make the most of what you have to work with".  Damn...I certainly can give good advice, now lets see how I can act on it, easier said then done. 

So take an hour out of my already time limited day to re figure the calendar, and we are back on track!

I like to leave on a positive note, but I do have to say, I am a bit bummed that I couldn't start this journey the way I have anticipated.  I think this is the mum in me, always feeling guilty.  As one of my friends always says to me, "put your big girl panties on and get over it!"

Good luck to anyone else going through the same thing, please feel free to share your stories, I could certainly do with a bit of inspiration.

Serene Motherhood...

What's wrong with having dreams?

As this is my own personal journal I have come to use it as just that!  My own personal online journal that a couple of people happen to peek into from time to time.

So what's on the agenda for today?

In my last blog I spoke about how I am empowering myself, yeah for me!  And I can tell you that so far so good.  The diet...aaaa...she's ok, a few ounces here and there, but at least its shifting...slowly...from my baby toe...
My mental state...eeeeeggghhh...better, feeling better about my path...my ambition to change my circumstances....yippppeeee! Definetly looking up.  So how did I do it?

OK, diet, I actually for the first time did not give up, incredible...when it comes to diets I give up in the first 4 weeks.

Mental state, I have stopped focusing on what is not and rather what could be if I put effort into it.

My direction, I for the very first time, believe in myself...I know easier said then done.  But I decided my husband(lovely as he is, not a great emotional supporter) is not who I need to get me to get off my jack jones!  Me, myself and I have been working together to decide a pathway, and go for it.

If you are a reader, unfortunately I probably won't be on here very often...but when I do get on, one thing I am going to document is how I am progressing in my journey to transition my current career into a career that I enjoy, will be flexible for my family and be financially rewarding...heck is that actually possible?  Well I tell you, if you are a woman, you damn well find a way to juggle everything, so if you can accomplish that I believe you can accomplish a life for you and your family that will give you all you are looking for.  Hmmmm big fighting words, for a small time working mummy...well lets just see where this pathway leads me.

This is how I started:

1. Decided I did not like my job, it did not give me the hours with my baby I wanted and did not give me the passion I used to have for it.  Overcome denial - check!
2. Look at what could make me happy, with minimal upset to the family or financial situation.  Analyse and research - check!
3. At the end of the day would this allow me to cover my financial obligations and provide me the flexibility in time I seek for the life with my child.  check!
4. I enrolled myself onto a online tutorial whereby I can teach myself in-depth techniques in my own time and at my own pace, for less then a workshop I would have to enroll in.  Training and knowledge on subject - check!
5. Discuss with my husband the tools I need for this to go through, husband gives a funny look.  Next approach, allow husband to buy the car he was looking at and encourage him to finally become a member of a golf course he really wanted to be for a long time, allow him to buy new set of golf clubs and then wait.  Husband comes back week later and says that the tools I seek is ok by him if that's whats gonna make me happy.  Overcome obstacles - check!

At this stage I am now at the beginning of my journey to transition into a completely new career in order to have the life I want for my family, the fear I had before was I was too old to change careers (I'm 32).  I decided, I'm not too old, when I die, then I'm too late!  I'm liberated and excited, I know I can make this happen.

For any women who ever thought she was caught in a rock and a hard place, just look beyond and find the crack that will set you free.  We are stronger then we realize, we give birth to humans the size of watermelons for crying in a bucket, we are quite capable!

What's wrong with having dreams?  It's doing nothing about them, that's what!

Serene Motherhood...

Perfectly mom...

So I've been a bit quite these last 2 weeks as I've been a very busy mummy at work, we have launches, conferences, eventing, hobnobbing with editors and local celebs...all in a days work, then run home to hubby and bubby to continue my next job of being mother.

In amongst the chaos at work I've also been getting up at 5am Mondays, Tuesdays and Thursdays to get an hour in at the gym, then rushing back home to get Littley ready for creche, then rushing to work, getting all that done, back to creche fetch Littely, home to feed and bathe her.  In bed by 7pm and then put in 2 hours of XHTML self learning.

Shew wee, oh and on top of that I'm dieting...I know, I could just slap myself too.

I really wanted to change my mind, life and body around so decided to do it all at once and I've been managing for the past month, I was sure I would see a difference in all aspects by now, but I'm only seeing little bits...not enough to motivate me, but I'm determined not to be a failure because that's what I do, I don't see the results soon enough I then quit, its just easier.

Am I putting to much pressure on myself or have I been so slack with piling on the pressure that this really should be a breeze if I had just got my act into it earlier.

I have my mood board, my motivation(sometimes slips), my routine, my eye on the prize...do I continue full speed ahead or give a little rope to myself?

I'm going to continue, let me buck the trend of quitting to soon and give it another go, and then another and then another...I've got plenty of time in my life!

If you re in the same position I really hope I've inspired you to stick to your current goal, imagine the feeling of success, it really does taste so good and will probably spur you on to more successes...

Serene Motherhood...

Career mum or house mum?

On Monday I did a 4 hour pshyosometric test, and although I haven't received my results it has made me realise...I'm never going to be fulfilled.  I want the best of both worlds, I want a career, and I want to be a stay at home mum.  When I was on maternity I couldn't wait to get back to work(fool!!!) and now I'm back at work I count every minute of the day and try to absorb every possible moment on the weekend.

I crave magazines and stories of mums, that have turned their life around to spend more time with their kids.  I never ever thought I'd see the day, when I would want the same.  I was a self professed workaholic, engineering my life to be "financially stable", what is that?  Now I couldn't care less about the money, and I often read blogs/articles about women living in a country side knitting and baking...I talk myself into believing I'll enjoy a life less ordinary, but I know myself to well, I need a challenge...everyday!

And besides, I unfortunately do not have the traditional man, who wants his wife barefoot, preggers and in the kitchen baking banana bread.  No... I have a husband who is all for the ladies pulling their financial weight...
I blame myself, I was so gungho about being a feminist in my earlier days, that now I pay the sacrifice.

So, feminist or little woman?  Career mum or house mum?  "Financially stable" or just sufficient?

Usually I like to end off with a bit of my own advice, but I think in this case I would love to get a piece of advice...bearing in mind I have a mortgage to pay.  Anyone else going through the same thing?

Career suicide hey?

Blood, sweat and tears...this was the previous job I had.  I was the career mum, that was running to airports with laptop swung around my neck, baby purity precariously placed just near the nipple area of my white work blouse(because its like buttered toast, it just lands that way), teeth not brushed(due to the rush, so must think of stopping at the next kiosk to buy dental gum, will fight plaque with my finger nail) and of course trying to convince the air hostess/steward/whoever they want to be called, that my 1 hand luggage will fit into the overhead if you just shove it hard enough(no need to go into the hold, just want to avoid that baggage collection area with everything I got).

Then coming home after a week away to find mold on all the dishes in the dishwasher, as it hasn't seen water or soap for a week, still having to make dinner with can of tomotoes, a cucumber and provitas, make list for grocery shopping the next day and cleaning the kitchen after a hunger rampage. 

And then, only then do I allow myself the moment I have been waiting for...a sneaky peek into my little girls room to see her contorsionist sleeping position for a moment, before I hear her snork and I dive like a ninja before she sees me, or it will be c beebies for the next 3 hours for the two of us.

NO!  I can't do this, I can't do it to myself or my family anymore.  There is more to life then stress and finacial stability.  Things need a drastic change and now.  So I ask myself is this career suicide as I've only been in my job for 6 months, and no one in SA jumps that soon into another job. 

Well someone was watching my antics and thought this comedy show was getting a bit repetitive.  So by the grace of God, I had 2 opportunities presented to me within a week of deciding that I'm moving jobs(where do you hear of this happening).  I put it down to the fact that I was just meant to leave...

So I'm now in my new job, working in a place where everyone has some sort of management title no matter what your level, coffee breaks are the order of the day, spanning anything from 5min to 30min at a time, lunch not included.  And we are allowed to adhere to our actual going home time, have I arrived at heaven? 

Needless to say, sometimes it is greener on the otherside and when an opportunity presents itself and we're at a crossroads, maby it's our little life raft.  We should just put our fears aside and jump on in, easier said then done, right?  Might I add a little research and soul searching is in order before taking this leap of faith. 

Moms and working moms, good luck with your choices...anyone got some advice for us working mommies?